Chapter Sixteen

Imagine her surprise when Karyn's phone rang that evening, and it was her father, Jerry!

“Hello?” Karyn answered the phone.

“You're busted!” were Jerry's first words.

Karyn did not immediately reply. True, she could have brazened it out, but that would have entailed alienating her truest, and most enduring ally. Karyn knew that she had betrayed parental trust, and she guessed that, in this case, it would be devastating if she compounded her error.

Karyn began by verifying that she and Jerry were indeed speaking of the same lapse. “This isn't about Laurence, is it?” she asked.

For his part, Jerry knew that as long as they addressed the real issue, an unnecessary, (if penitent,) confession, might not be in the best interest of the family. 

“Karyn, it's not about the differences between cucumbers and pickles, and it's not about bananas and evolution. It's about Angel Food cake, and your insolent new taste for Devil's Food!” Jerry began.

“It's not even about chocolate babies; it's about drugs, and violence!” Jerry paused here, and gave this message time to sink in, as he waited for a response.

“Who told you, dad?” Karyn asked. “I don't believe in telepathy, and I know that I'm not the one who brought it up.”

“It was one of Bitumen's friends,” Jerry confided. “But Karyn, it sets a bad precedent for me to tell you everything. Would it set an equally bad precedent, for you to tell me everything?” The point might gall his daughter, but Jerry was committed to treating her as an adult. To his mind, that meant informed consent.

“No.” It was an easy word to say, but hard to endorse. 

Consent did not mean that Jerry's job would be easy. “Why not?” he clipped.

“Well, because you're older than me, and you make better decisions,” Karyn averred. 

“O.K. then,” Jerry continued. Syllogistically: IF I make the decisions, THEN should you be making them too?”

“Dad, from the standpoint of a check register, I know that two people can't go on drawing against the same balance without communicating; but I'm an adult, and I need SOME autonomy!” Karyn was not prepared to concede wholeheartedly that her action constituted flawed judgment.

Faced with this point of order, Jerry took the opportunity to document Karyn's personal responsibility. “Karyn: IF you made the decision we are not enumerating at this time, autonomously, and of your own volition, THEN am I the one responsible?”

Karyn agreed readily enough. “No dad, you're not. Isn't that the point?”

Jerry persisted in his correction. “You may feel adequately responsible, but what commentary is this on your upbringing? There is no way in HELL I'm not responsible for YOU!”

“But Dad,” Karyn began defensively.

“Karyn, I'm not talking about reproductive responsibility here. I'm talking about holding you responsible for the family's reputation.” Jerry had elevated his tone, but spoke firmly.

It wasn't enough. “Alright dad, I'm sorry. I won't do it again!” Karyn thought that she had capitulated.

“Young lady. You are of the opinion that when you said 'yes,' you consented. Can you still say 'no?' What do you think it took, for me, in my mind, to think that I had a full grown, responsible daughter, and have a good opinion of you, and then try to see the truth about this thing, through the callous words of a stranger? It nearly killed me, and I don't think I'm OK!

“Do you like the way you are, when you're slumming it that way?” Jerry continued. “Do you think it leads to good decisions in the future?”

Karyn marked strong character by standing up for herself. “I'm glad you asked that, dad. When I'm in the zone with a black man, I feel hard inside. Uncaring, like it doesn't matter what other people think. I don't feel like I have to scrape and bow to commercial interests. I don't feel the need to genuflect to the gods of pacifism and restraint.”

Jerry had experienced very little preparation for this discussion, but he knew how to illustrate that this was actually a two edged sword. Jerry began by giving enough description to his daughter that she could believe that he had received the message. There is no point disagreeing with someone who believes you are at odds over different issues. 

“You feel like he's a man, don't you? Like he wouldn't brown nose, or kowtow to anyone? Karyn, he's a panderer. He might not respect the CEO of Barnes and Noble, or the President, or a Judge, but this same cutlass will fold craven, to the venal interest a local drug supplier, or human trafficking snake. That kind of thing leads little girls to conclude that these men have more power than captains of industry. Karyn, that is a fallacy. It's based on the flawed premise that these captains of industry are due that disrespect. If the snake could start a Microsoft, or a Ford, what is he doing exploiting college students for allowance money?

“Karyn, you may not want an epee, but don't saddle yourself with a shiv! Do I make myself clear?” There is a voice that every parent uses to telegraph fear, and certify intent to discipline, to a disobedient child. This was the tone that Karyn heard.

Karyn recognized that it was the truth, and melted. “Dad, it was like taking a joyride in a brand new car. It's stolen AND it's new. It was like stealing second. It was a rush. He was a fine piece of horseflesh!” It was degrading to admit, but Karyn would not make a promise that she did not intend to keep.

Jerry continued to be stern. “He's out there telling his friends you are his bitch, Karyn, and he means it in every denigrating way. Meanwhile, the grapevine is alive with stories of how you are hot to trot. Don't you have ANY pride?”

The silence hung between them, as Karyn tasted bitter gall.

“It won't happen again!” Karyn swore. She wanted to rail, and ask her father if he was happy now, but she knew very deeply that he took no pleasure in her embarrassment, or wrong doing. It would be still harder, to answer to her mother, Rachelle.